Hip-hip-hooray for socialism and seasonal depression!

Our championship is on the line.

You gotta do something.

Men, this is the biggest moment of your life and I don't know how to fire you up!

My original plan was to come in here, single out the under-performers and throw diapers at them!

Now I realize that could be interpreted as insensitive or, perhaps, anti-baby!

I'm sorry, but the football field was always my safe space, okay?!

It's where, in high school, I first gained the respect of my peers, and if I'm being honest, where I'd hoped I'd finally gain the admiration of my father-in-law.

Now I feel like I've just...

let you all down.