This is your great-grandmother's recipe.

If she could see you now...

...she would die again, because you're doing it wrong!

My mother has been here all week.

I love her very much, but you know what they say -- house guests start to stink after three days, like dead bodies.

What the hell is that?

A fiber-optic tree.

It's way better for the environment than a real one.

Not if the environment is my living room.

Look, I admit, it takes some getting used to, but so did greek yogurt.